June 17, 2001: Fathers Day is thankfully over, and fortunately no little kid came up to me and said "Are you my daddy?" But, other than spending the last few days in disguise living in a cardboard box on D street, and avoiding the telephone and doorbell with religious zeal, it was the typical week in Las Vegas for me. But, it was different in one other aspect. I got it in stereo. In that typical female voice. Loud and clear with a touch of shrill and a smattering of bitch:
"I don't love you anymore. Whaaaaa!"
Yes, the usual 'time to get out of my life' routine from yet another woman. But, this week, I didn't get it from just one. I got it from two of them. It's not that I haven't heard this before; oh no, it's quite a regularity in my life. Been happening for years and years. And no, you never get quite used to it. Especially the "Whaaaa!" part. I never quite figured out what the "Whaaaa!" part really meant. Nor have I ever figured out if it was really a sorrowful "Whaaaa!" or a joyous "Wheeee!".
Sometimes I think they're supposed to be saying "Whaaaa!", and I'm supposed to be saying "Wheeee!" One of these days I'll decipher this, one of life's greatest mysteries.
But the other interesting aspect of this very routine part of my life, was the very non-routine participants that played such a lovely role. They both had similar professions. Almost to the point that I had wondered if they had known each other. Or, maybe if, at some time in their lives, had held hands.
Both of these lovely women were dancers. No, not strippers, they were dancers.
There is a difference, you know. I know these things, you know. Here, I'll explain it to you.
A stripper is a girl who finds herself in an unfortunate life situation, and because of these terribly horrible circumstances that have befallen her, she is forced to work in dark, smokey bars, which are appropriately called "Gentleman's Clubs" even though they are generally devoid of so-called "gentlemen", take off all of her clothing with the exception of this small sliver of cloth which hides you know what, and dance, a term which consistently implies sitting on a "gentleman's" lap, sliding up and down the aforementioned "gentleman's" leg, and shake one's overly-endowed breasts oh so sweetly, breasts that even God couldn't make, in the previously twice mentioned "gentleman's" face. All the while claiming that she is putting herself through some prestigious law school.
A dancer is a girl who finds herself in an unfortunate life situation, and because of these terribly horrible circumstances that have befallen her, she is forced to work in dark, smokey bars, which are appropriately called "Gentleman's Clubs", even though they are devoid of so-called "gentlemen", take off all of her clothing with the exception of this small sliver of cloth which hides you know what, and dance, a term which consistently implies sitting on a "gentleman's" lap, sliding up and down the aforementioned "gentleman's" leg, and shake one's overly-endowed breasts oh so sweetly, breasts that even God couldn't make, in the previously twice mentioned "gentleman's" face. All the while claiming that she wants to put herself through some prestigious law school.
Talking about sliding up and down somebody's leg, you should see my dog Max go to town. Wow, he's got some moves. Those girls could have learned a thing or two from Max. They should have stuck around.
Oh, the pain. Oh, the agony. Oh, the heartbreak! Tears and tears ran down my little cheeks as I tried to cry myself to sleep that night. It lasted for, oh, a few minutes. But as I was cuddling up next to the Mindy, my other dog, in bed the other night, I started to wonder why, both of them decided that it was over for me. Both at almost the same time. I had started to run statistical analyses in my head, trying to figure out if it was mathematically possible for two women to dump me at almost the same time. All as I was trying to screen out the ever-perpetual noise of a female Golden Retriever snoring. Bizarre, very bizarre. Especially the way her nostrils vibrate with each tender little sonorous snore. But, it was finally easy to figure out. Yes, without a doubt, there was some disturbance in the cosmic force that holds us all together. A disturbance along the lines of a screw up. My screw up. What had I done?
Ah, it didn't take long. I had told them about this web site. And no doubt, they had gone to it, probably looking for nude pictures of either Max or I. Or, both of us. No, probably just Max. He looks a hell of a lot better naked than I do. Hell, they probably could have never imagined that this web site had some like, real stuff in it. But it wasn't the real stuff that probably had pissed them both off. No, it was, more than likely, the March 27, 2001 post below this one. The story of that stripper, er, dancer, that I had met in the Los Angeles airport that month. Yes, that was it. They related to that story, and they took offense to it.
It was then that I had realized that I had made one major tragic mistake. I had not fully understood the two dancers that I had been dating. I never really got to know them, to understand them, to understand their feelings, to realize their wants and desires, to evaluate their fantasies and their urges, to interpret their strengths and their inadequacies. I just never bought them enough clothes.
I just never realized that they were able to read.
I've learned my lesson. Oh God, I've repented. I won't do it again. I'm just going to have to be far more selective with my next stripper, er, dancer, er, girlfriend. But, there's always a benefit to disaster in life. Just think of all the future lawyers in Las Vegas that will be literate. And cute. Oh, to think of all those breasts in the courtrooms of Las Vegas. Time to get myself involved in yet another lawsuit.
But, on to more important things. Lots of updates with this edition:
* Eden. Eternity. Equinox. Desire. Ecstasy. Shangri-La. Hope. Bubbles. (Bubbles?). Oh, I'm getting off on a tangent again. Ever thought of this fine and wonderful Utopian society, hidden high up in the Tibetan mountains, where people never get old, where all have unrequited love, and where the food isn't all that bad and the toilets flush? Welcome to Shangri-La. Yes, in China. It just isn't what you think it is. Lots of pictures and slideshows too. A big new section. You'll be spending a lot of time in there. What's that? You never heard of "Shangri La?" You young puppy you. Stop hanging out in the discos with all those Ecstasy heads, stay home, and watch the movie "Lost Horizon". It's even on DVD now. Damn, it's an oldie but goodie. Like me. And Max.
* Talking about beautiful places. You should see where I hang out now.... Grab your coats, stuff some warm towels around your ears and loins, and head over to Harbin. It's cold, damn cold. And incredible. Again, lots of pictures to keep you busy. You don't want to go there, but you certainly want to see what it's all about.
* Oh, lots of places this time. Interested in Tibet? No? You should be. Check out some latest additions in the newly revised Tibet section; some RealPlayer slideshows that have previously unpublished pictures there.
* Like to look at pictures? Just wondering what those little stripper girlfriends (and their girlfriends) look like? Check out the new RealPlayer slideshows. And, the new slideshow galleries, all in the new Yunnan province section. You'll need the latest RealPlayer to see the RealPlayer slideshows; your browser should be able to handle the other ones. Lots and lots of pictures, of some really incredible places. Slideshows on Tibet, Bai Shui Tai, Ba Da Ling, Bi Ta Tai, Da Li, Gedan, Harbin, Yunnan Horticulture, Hu Tiao Xia, Li Jiang, Lu Gu Hu, the Road to Lu Gu Hu, the Na Xi village, and the Yunnan Stone Forest. Don't know where any of these places are? Time to start reading. And stop thinking about what those stripper babes look like. One day I must might surprise you. You dog you. Oh, and let's leave the comments of me with that teddy bear emblazened pink umbrella to a minimum. Let's not piss off the big guy now.
* More Buddhist thought, with contributions by Fa Hui on the Five Precepts that one takes when going through the Taking Refuge ceremony to become a lay disciple, and yet another Buddhist sutra, the Mahasatipatthana Sutra.
* Also, a more complete version of the Lankavatara Sutra, for those of you who understand this stuff, again thanks to Fa Hui.
* Talking about reading, Wong Fei-Hung, self described as "The tiger of canton, the healer of guangzhou, the farther of 3, no 4,sorry 7, uh i forget how many children... Maybe i should grow me a manchu pigtail", submits two classic works of Chinese literature, the Confucian Analects, and the Dao De Jing (which is also reproduced in the Discussion forum). Happy reading, there will be a quiz when you get through all of that. Oh, and Happy "Farther's" Day too Wong. I hope you're hiding like I am.
* A new section, entitled Language, written entirely by a fellow Shaolin disciple, and close friend, Bai He. Getting ready to go to China, and you're not really sure what to say? Need to refresh, or, develop some sort of understanding about Mandarin? Head on over to Language, and learn some grammar and phrases. And get a little insight into what you're going to be surrounded by.
* Heading over to Shaolin to train and don't know what to eat? Planning on bringing all sorts of protein drinks and other completely disgusting and non-palatable shit like that? Want to eat some real food over there? Try doc's selection, the best of the best, and learn how to say it. In the Language section, under Doc Food. Bring your own Pepto Bismal. And you had better bring lots of it.
* Heading over to one of your local "churches", er, "Gentlemen's Clubs" and don't know what to say? Need to refresh your "grammar and phrases"? Head on over to Doc's Love Shack in the Discussion forum, and get your verbal repertoire in high gear. Just don't tell them that you know me. And if one of the "practitioners" down there needs lessons in leg sliding, Max is available for private lessons.
* Some more photos of the Shaolin temple, this time, high resolution "preferred" shots that you can download and use for your own personal non-commercial purposes. In the Hi Res Photo section of Temple Photos. Check it out. And don't be a bad boy with these. I'll find you. And it won't be nice. Max is always looking for demonstration legs.
* Talking about more photos, check out the additional section in The Great Wall, with new and stunning (and large) pictures of the Great Wall at Ba Da Ling. Download times will be high, so be patient.
* And, did you like the Chinese Stairmaster? Huangshan? More photos, lots and lots of them for your viewing pleasure. Head on over to Chinese Stairmaster and Huangshan, and see if you can find them. I hid them somewhere in there, because I know that you just don't have anything else to do tonight.
* Thought everything was fine and dandy while you were sitting, with your eyes closed, going HUMMM? The reality and perception of Buddhism, in, The Dominic Papers. Be prepared to have your Mahayana bubble busted. And be prepared to spend a lot of time in there. He's written an awful lot of damn good stuff. If your head's not reeling after taking that titillating literary journey, you need to get readjusted at "church" again. Call me. I'll go with you to make sure you "pray" a lot.
* More pictures of Xingwei's and Xingqi's visit to Las Vegas, in the Shaolin Gallery section, part II. I just love the one at the Las Vegas "temple" with the hat, price tag, and cell phone. The "disciples" aren't bad either....
* More thoughts on, and photos of, the Destruction of the Shaolin village coming soon. But, in the meantime, one reason for that whole event, in a look at the Heritage Sites of China.
* Ever wondered what the monks agree to when they take that first step towards entering the brotherhood? Need some sort of direction for your life? Finally, a translation of the Vows, in the Fugue section. Read them and be prepared to see what a bad boy you really are. It will definitely show you what a bad boy I really am....
* Talking about bad boys, did you know that Max's birthday is July 19th? He's going to be 13 years old. Let's not forgot the old guy, ok? He likes big raw bones with lots of meat on them. He likes his women that way too. Just like dad. He's just a chip off the old doc block.
* Did I mention the new venture here in Las Vegas? No, not a nightly doctrip to "church" for prayer and research activities. A new school, or temple, or, well, both. With real Shaolin monks. With training in real Shaolin gong fu. Yes, here in Las Vegas. Shaolin Chan Wu Xue Yuan. Coming soon. If the gods are willing....
Oh, and as far as bad boys go, I'm up there. Did we talk about Eden, Eternity, Equinox, Desire, Ecstasy, Hope and Bubbles. No? How could I forget. Are these just other wild and exotic places in China? No. Places out of a child's story book? No. New drugs that are hitting the rave clubs in Vegas? No.
They're future literate lawyers of Las Vegas. And damn, damn cute ones. Sue me babies, sue me. Send me your legal briefs. Send me all of your briefs. And don't ever forget who loves ya.
Well, with the exception of Bubbles. Nope, don't love Bubbles. And you don't want to either. Oh, I never told you about Bubbles.
Now, there's a stripper, er, dancer, with a story. One that really goes to town on the clients, with roaming hands that parry and flourish in regions that hands should really not be parrying and flourishing in, lips that run up and down a man's neck like a four year old with a melting ice cream cone, and a crotch that's got more flexibility and moves than a hard up dog on death row in the pound in heat. Did I mention where Bubble's lips also ran up and down? No, I won't go there. But, yes by gawd, watching Bubbles work it for the almighty twenty bucks with these horny tourists that come to Las Vegas is just a sight to behold.
I just wonder when Bubbles is going to let these guys know about his sex change operation.
Go Bubbles, go! And shake it like yo momma taught you....
And while Bubbles is shaking it, did you notice how many visitors we've had here in the past ten months? A little over 220,000. Not bad for a 770 megabyte web site full of dribble, pictures, stripper stories, and general all 'round useless shit. It boggles the mind to think that there are actually people out there reading this stuff. But, this all raises some pretty significant and interesting questions. Will more people come to read the diatribes here? Will I ever get around to finishing the productions on all those gong fu videos I promised you last time? Will I ever figure out how to manipulate those IPIX photos into a virtual tour of the Shaolin Temple? Will we hit a quarter of a million visitors (that's 250,000, if you were wondering) by August 1st, the date we started counting visitors, and, which, by the way, is my burfdey? Will I get lots of presents? Will Max get lots of presents? Does anybody care? Will the sun rise tomorrow? Will it be dark tonight? Will Max ever stop shitting on my dining room floor? Will Bubbles ever find true love?